....................................

Romeo has been home for a week now. It's been great and it's been bad. I never really know what to think of it all. Our biggest issue is just how different we are- we really do come from different worlds. I've never done drugs, and I'm quite sure he's done very drug known to man. I always worry that he'll slip back into the heavy drugs, so even the fact that he's into Mary Jane bothers me. He can't go a day without it. And what's worse is he's sneaky about it, he'll lie about it or sneak off somewhere to do it. And he also spends money he really doesn't have on it...

We had a bad fight the other night because we've been staying at my parent's place while he's home, and my parents have a strict no-drug rule which I respect and I made it very clear to Romeo not to even bring them anywhere near my house. Well, the other night he went outside for a cigarette and when he came into the house it was all that I could smell. I was PISSED. He couldn't even respect the one rule we had at our house. At the moment all I could think about was how selfish he is. He only puts himself and his own feelings first, without even CONSIDERING what sort of effect it might have on other people. And the fact that he couldn't go the evening without it made me have a lot of doubts about him...

So that's been the biggest battle. I want to accept him as he is, but why can't he be sober more often? Why does he have to get high every day, several times a day? I don't understand it. Why can't it just be a weekend thing, or something to do with friends? He does it by himself all the time, constantly.

And he's also been hanging out with his druggie friends again, and even went to a crackhead's apartment. WTF. He claims he wants to stay away from it and yet...it just feels like we keep taking these steps backwards. Awhile ago I called him and couldn't get ahold of him for over an hour. When I finally did he sounded all weird and practically hung up on me in his haste to 'have a nap'. I waited 2 hours before deciding to try and call and guess what? No answer...hmmmm....the second time I even let it ring like 15 times....I don't know what the fuck is going on, and I'm not putting up with this bullshit anymore...I'm tired...

Summertime...

Romeo is home. He got in on Friday and we spent from Friday evening until 7am this morning (Wed) together. I don't think we were ever apart for more than 5 minutes. I had to come into work this morning though, but that's life, lol. It's always good to have a little break from each other anyway.

When I first headed to his place I was actually kind of wondering what seeing him again would be like. I thought about last year when he was home, how he barely greeted me with a smile. I felt somewhat nervous as my shift came to an end and I got ready to go see him. My shift was only over for 5 minutes when he called, wondering where I was. We chatted on my short drive to his place and when he heard my jeep pulling into the yard he asked "Is that you?"
"Yes..." I replied. "So I guess I'll hang up on you now" and laughed.
Before I even got to his door he had flung it open, with a big adorable smile on his face.
"Hey baby" I said with a smile. He grabbed me into a hug and kissed me, while pulling me into his place and closing the door. He kissed me all the way to the couch. "I missed you so much" he said sweetly. There was no awkwardness at all, it was like he had never left at all.

After spending some time at his place we went to my house to look after my horses. I taught him how to lead the horses in and though I think he was a bit nervous about it he did it willingly. We spent the night watching movies and cuddled together in bed.

So our last few days together have been pretty great. I remember him saying "I love you. Jesus how did I luck out to get you?" He's always saying he's lucky and wondering how he ever managed to get a girl like me. It makes me feel good to know that he feels that way because I always wonder the same thing. After going through so much heartache and hurt with him he's finally the boyfriend I always wanted him to be, and knew that he could be.

Last night we spent the night at his sister's. He and I were cozied up on the loveseat, and I was actually pretty comfortable all wrapped up in his arms and legs but it was getting late so I headed to bed. Not long after I heard the door open and saw it was him and he crawled in next to me and wrapped me in his arms. I slept really well and this morning we woke up pretty easily even though we were both exhausted. He drove me into work, buying me coffee along the way, and he's going to bring me home tonight, and we'll probably sleep at my place. It feels really nice to share a bed with him again- I really missed that....

So things are good- the weather is shitty, but life is good. lol.

The Things I ♥ About You...

I love your smile.
I love your eyes.
I love the way you look at me with such love.
I love how you like to pick me up.
I love how you are playful.
I love how you're not scared to let your feelings for me show, even when others are around.
I love how you make me feel special, important, and wanted.
I love how you make me feel.
I love how thoughtful and considerate you are.
I love how you like to just go for drives
I love how you forgive me when I do stupid things
I love how you love to spend time with me.
I love how sweet you are.
I love that you are out-doorsy.
I love how you hold my hand, put your arm around me, rub my leg in the car.
I love how you'll do something, even if you don't feel like it, because you know it'll make me happy.
I love how you'll shave your face for me, lol
I love how hard you try.
I love how you enjoy just spending nights watching movies.
I love how you're not shy to let the whole world know I'm yours.
I love how you were nice to my parents, even after all that they said.
I love how you call me whenever you get a chance.
I love how you call just to say you love me.
I love how you dance with me.
I love that you sing to me in the car.
I love how you invited me along to see your kids.
I love how you stand up for me.
I love how you still love me after a fight or I piss you off.
I love how you want to spoil me.
I love how you feel comfortable around me.
I love how you kiss me.
I love how much you want this to work.
I love your hugs.
I love how you make time for me.
I love how you always hold my hand in public.
I love how sexy you are to me, no matter what you wear.
I love how you make me happy.
I love how you invited me along to your work.
I love how you show an interest in my hobbies.
I love how you always want to help me out.
I love how you offered to pay for a horseshow.
I love your stubborness
I love how you've improved yourself and your life.
I love how you make me laugh.
I love your goofiness and your sense of humour.
I love driving around in your car.
I love how you re-read my letters and stuck my pictures to the top of your bunk.
I love how you miss me.
I love that you want to settle down with me.
I love that you actually proposed to me.
I love how you hold me after a fight.
I love how you always kiss me when you drive.
I love how you smile at me in the morning.
I love how you bring me Chinese.
I love how you don't mind losing sleep for me.
I love how you're always willing to find a way to make things work.
I love how you come visit me at work.
I love how you like to go for walks.
I love how you're willing to do anything for me.
I love how you make me feel sexy.
I love that you love me just the way I am.
I love that you're happy to come home to me.
I love that you stay faithful.
I love how you stay away from other people's drama.
I love how you don't drink or party.
I love that you want to start a life with me.
I love how you want to marry me.
I love how hard you try to get along with my brother.
I love that you bring me to your family outings, and introduce me proudly.
I love how I"m an important part of your life.
I love that I'm the thing that brightens your day.
I love that I can make you happy.
I love how much you're trying to get your life in order.
I love how responsible you can be.
I love having fun with you.
I love how you're happy with what you have.
I love how you call back after you hang up on me, or vice versa.
I love the cute messages you leave on my facebook and on my voicemail.
I love how you don't mind telling others how you really feel about me.
I love that you love my horses.
I love how you enjoy the simple things in life.
I love how you stopped flirting with other girls.
I love how you fell in love with me.
I love that your mom loves me <3
I love how you always call back when you say you will.
I love how you always say you love me more.

......

I see you and my heart breaks
I can’t breath when you’re around
My knees feel weak, my hands start to shake
And I’m no longer on solid ground.
I see your hands and wonder
What they’d feel like holding mine,
I dream of what it would be like
To keep staring in those eyes
Your words are carefully chosen,
When you look into my eyes,
I can see a thousand different emotions
Though they never materialize.
You look at me like you want more,
But still you keep holding back,
I wish you would follow your heart
And leap across this gap.
I feel like I’ve known you forever
Like we were meant to be
But I guess there’s no such thing as fate
And you really weren’t meant for me.
I look up at the stars each night
And senf a silent prayer,
But my nights are still empty
And you still don’t seem to care.
You hold my heart in your hands,
And I don’t think you even know
That at any given moment
You could easily let it go
And when it slips from your grip
And falls down to the ground
I know it will completely shatter
And send pieces all around.
My life is a spinning spiral
And you’re the only part that stands still
But I’m afraid I can’t hold on much longer,
Though for you I’m sure I will.
The nights are much too quiet,
As I lay in an empty bed
I barely sleep for all the thoughts
That keep passing through my head
You’re the first thing that I think of
When I see the morning sun
And the last thought in my mind
The moment my day is done.
Nothing has ever felt as good
As your arms holding me close
And when you release me I feel cold
Like the whisper of a ghost.

Coming Home....

So Romeo is coming home tomorrow...apparently. I didn't even find out from him, I found out from my brother. I talked to Romeo this morning and he was supposed to call back but he hasn't yet- it's been 12 hours. Ugh. Sometimes he frustrates me so much I just want to give up caring.

My mother says I should be glad he calls at all- which is true, especially considering how he was last year. But FUCK don't tell me you'll call me back if you're not going to. His friends go there yesterday so it feels like now that he found something to occupy his mind he doesn't feel like calling. It's like I was there for when he was bored.

I'm just having one of those nights. He was really miserable to talk to for the first 2 days that he was in port- he was just super negative and complaining, and trying to pick a fight with me. I ended up feeling depressed after talking to him, and it's still kind o f stuck with me. Sometimes I don't think he considers other people's feelings at all. Sometimes he only seems to think of himself....

Waiting For You....<3

Romeo has been away for 47 days now. That seems like a lot. We're still going strong though. I really have no idea how we're doing it- we went from seeing each other every single night, and sleeping side by side every single night, to not seeing each other at all and only talking on the phone every couple of days.

He called on Sunday, much to my surprise. I wasn't expecting him to call until Wednesday, but they finished their trip a couple of days early because they had caught a lot of shrimp in a short period of time. They were even back before my brother's boat, and his boat left almost a day before Romeo's.

He was grumpy at first of course, and was saying he doesn't know why he's there, where he gets treated like crap, when he could be at home with me. He was talking about quitting but he always talks about quitting when he first gets into port. His boss treats him like shit, and when you have to live on a boat in close quarters with ppl you hate, it's not always going to go so smoothly. After he cooled off for a couple of hours he was fine.

Anyway, he was saying that my brother was supposed to come home in a week for 2-3 weeks, then after my bro went back he was going to come home on his vacation. Well, yesterday when he called he asked, "When do you want me home baby?" To which I replied, "anytime."
"Alright" he answered, "I'm going to do this one more trip and then I'm coming home with your brother to visit you for a few weeks."

So he could be home in 7-10 days =) I'm not going to set my hopes on it because things change a lot with that profession, but it would be nice. He told me while he's home he's going to work for the farmer to get some extra cash, and he invited me to go along with him to keep him company. When I told him I'd probably be working nights he offered to stay awake all night with me on the phone then sleep with me during the day. So he's really being helpful and I'm really looking forward to him coming home. I hope he comes home on a day that I'm off work. I'm hoping he'll come in next Saturday- that'd be perfect. And it's very possible because his fishing trip can take a week, then they usually have to wait hours and sometimes a full day before their boat gets unloaded.

But I'll just wait and see what happens. I don't care when I see him, I just know it will be nice to finally have him home for awhile. I hope we do stuff- like maybe a bit of camping, go fishing, swimming? But I guess we'll see how it goes when he comes home....for now I"ll just be happy =)

Happily Ever After

Because of you
I believe in fairy tales
The Prince and the Princess
And how love never fails.
That even the pain
Can be bittersweet
And after a fall
You can land on your feet.

Because of you
I know tears aren't all bad
That they can mean joy
They're not always sad.
That no matter what
No matter how much you cry
And how bad it seems
The sun will still rise.

Because of you
My world is more bright
I'm still in the tunnel
But can now see the light.
Life has more beauty
More moments that shine
Since you stepped in my world
Since you became mine.

Because of you
I can face the world
All is better
Since you made me your girl
You stand up for me
When I can't find the way
You stood there beside me
When others would stray

Because of you
I'm not scared to dream
To think of the future
And what it all means.
To have hope for tomorrow
And forget yesterday
To hold onto the good
While the bad goes away

Because of you
I'm no longer afraid
Of becoming hurt
Or of getting played
You showed me you'd love me
No matter what passed
That no matter the challenges
Our love could last

Because of you
Now I can see
My fairy tale came true
That it's meant to be
You're no prince charming
In some people's eyes
But for me you will always be
My perfect guy

Because of you
I can finally be me
Without having to worry
What others could see
I could just by myself
And enjoy the laughter
Me and my prince
Happily ever after.